Mysterious ways!

God works in mysterious ways! He really does and I've seen it so vividly in the last couple of years since I've known him. Me being a Christian for starters is mystery enough! The things he's put in my life that I never would've asked for but which have blessed me and proven to be for the good even after I've cursed them and dreaded them and fretted about them.

I've been thinking about how often I worry uneccessarily about stuff. I'm a proper problem ponderer! I mean, I think about all the worries I've had in my life, and yet I look at myself here and now and actually, none of them have had any lasting damage! I'm here, fit and well, a child of God, with money enough, friends, family, all the stuff I need, and I'm just left thinking, 'what was I so worried about?'

'Cast all you anxiety on him because he cares for you.' (?Peter 5: 7)

When horrible things happen it hurts a lot and I'm not so much talking about that sort of worry in the midst of real turbulence, but whatever it is, however hard, we do get over it, we do move on eventually and it's never the end of the world until it's the end of the world, (but then it comes to everyone at some point anyway (not the end of the world as such but the end of our life in the world... hmmm!))

We look stupid time after time, and we get over it pretty soon after, yet I'm always worried about losing face or looking like a fool or being laughed at when I'm not in the mood to laugh. I don't make any sense, but this is clear in my head! Pride is a form of worry. It's worrying about image, about looking right, about being strong, being clever and right... I HATE pride and I have so much of it!

God God God, how do I become more humble? How do I learn to trust you? How do I throw off my inhabitions without drugs and alcohol? How do I become more like you?

I've been really challenged over the past few weeks about how I view people. I've been finding myself judging and envying and looking at people in wrong ways. I read a book while I was staying with my cousin. I don't remember what it was called, 'Redeeming Love' or something like that and it's a novel about a prostitute called Angel who is tormented by her past but very slowly changes and becomes a Christian after a Christian guy falls in love with her and obeys what he hears from God, even though it's ludicrous, and marries her. It goes through her life from being sold into prostitution at the age of 8 and describes all the feelings of mistrust, unworthiness, isolation, rejection, fear and all those lies that plague her for such a long time after coming out of the business and being married to a husband who loves her wholeheartedly. She goes back to it at one stage, she runs away from her new life feeling like it's her only option because she's known nothing else and feels a huge sense of guilt being with Michael. What with that book and visiting prison, I've really had an awakening to the needs of people who are so quickly judged, who I've so quickly judged.

All people have been made in the image of God! You, me, the homeless beggar down the town and the rapist in the prison cell. Only God can show us who we really are, who we were made to be!

I've been really challenged to look at people differently. Separation from God is a HUGE thing with HUGE consequences. We know him and we've got a calling to make him known to others by how we live and love. Lord help me!